On the Move

a year from now we'll all be gone


all our friends will move away


and they're going to better places


but our friends will be gone away

nothing is as it has been


and i miss your face like hell


and i guess it's just as well


but i miss your face like hell

been talking bout the way things change


and my family lives in a different state


and if you don't know what to make of this


then we will not relate


so if you don't know what to make of this


then we will not relate

rivers and roads


rivers and roads


rivers 'til i reach you

                                    –The Head and the Heart

As I peel the photos off the wall and put books into boxes I can’t help but play this song over and over to fill the empty space that was my home for the past two years. This month, we are all moving on… to better places, new chapters, new zip codes and new horizons. As recent graduates, some of us are growing up, signing leases, getting engaged, and investing in house plants (the ultimate sign of nesting) and settling down.  Others (like myself) are floating, becoming nomadic, carrying the weight of multiple zip codes and trying to keep track of where all the boxes are stacking up before finding the perfect landing.

The current issue of Kinfolk talked about nesting and home, something that I have always cherished and find to be one of the most important cornerstones of life. For the past 15 weeks I have had three different zip codes, four different rooms, and have made a home in a suburb, a city, a downstairs, an upstairs, a cubby hole and a couch. These various homes I have shared alone, with a family, with a friend, with a roommate or with 25 other roommates. And this has been the month of homes and moving. 

This has been the month of closing chapters, turning new pages, and gathering. This month I sent out a change of address, which has already expired and will no longer apply by the time you read this post. As the last post card went out the door I decided to move (again). This week I am packing up my little nook on East 15^th street and heading (hopefully) uptown to quieter corners. This week I am packing up my home in DC and coming back to the island that I am not quite done with. This week I am taking down two years of postcards and pictures and boxing up books from graduate school that I will fondly flip through once in a blue moon and keep on a coffee table someday.

For East 15th I will miss most:

• My window that looked out onto the street, where I curled up to watch the snowfall and the blossoms bloom
• Cider on the stove on chilly fall nights
• Late night cups of tea with friends gathered around the table
• The rooftop and all the conversations that took place there (the Empire State Building lit at night)
• The countless friends who were always up for an adventure (Nemo will always be a favorite)
• My creaky hardwood floors and my built–in bookshelves
• My late night walks down East 15th
• My running route to the Westside Hwy.

For DC I will miss most:

• My roommate (who finds beauty in every found treasure and cooks me amazing food)
• My backyard, where I could sit on the sunny top stoop and sip a cup of fresh brewed coffee
• The space to host, where I could gather all my friends
• The proximity to the mall, where I could run happily for hours
• The quiet of a neighborhood and knowing your neighbors

This week I am thinking about new chapters. This week I am thinking about change. This week I am nostalgic. 

I am now officially a graduate who has yet to find a zip code, but has a master’s and is extremely excited to be back on this crazy island with all my people. New York City, you pulled me back.

This cup is for my MILANO family, with whom I share it all 
And for every home who has opened its doors to me–thank you. 

Marching Forward

'

This evening, as I walked home, it was light for the first time in months. The sky was robin's egg blue and it was finally warm enough to shed a scarf and feel the breeze on the back of my neck. It was perfect.

Just like the cherry blossoms, I am not yet ready to burst out and face the changing of the season, but I know that I am on the cusp of change, a new chapter and a new time. My corner has been a place of hurrying quiet. The kind of hurrying that happens when you take up a third zip code, sign on to a new job, close one chapter before realizing that a new one is unfolding right before your very eyes and fall quiet amidst the chaos. I have been so fortunate to have a supportive team to wake up to every morning with a cup of coffee, that welcomes me home at the end of each day with a hug and a home cooked meal and has made me a part of their family.

I am so lucky to have found a new home, one that I fell in love with at first sight. Before a single box had been unpacked, I knew that it was the space where I wanted to spend lazy weekends reading the newspaper, where I wanted to host cook–outs in the backyard, where all my friends could gather around the living room and take part in long dinner parties. And in the midst of all this I turned a year older.

Such Singing in the Wild Branches (2003)

It was spring
 and finally I heard him among the first leaves—
then I saw him clutching the limb



in an island of shade 
with his red-brown feathers
 all trim and neat for the new year.
 First, I stood still

and thought of nothing.
 

Then I began to listen.
 Then I was filled with gladness—
and that's when it happened,



when I seemed to float,
 to be, myself, a wing or a tree—

and I began to understand


what the bird was saying,



and the sands in the glass


stopped


for a pure white moment


while gravity sprinkled upward

like rain, rising,


and in fact

it became difficult to tell just what it was that was singing—


it was the thrush for sure, but it seemed



not a single thrush, but himself, and all his brothers,


and also the trees around them,


as well as the gliding, long-tailed clouds


in the perfectly blue sky— all, all of them

were singing.


And, of course, yes, so it seemed,


so was I.


Such soft and solemn and perfect music doesn't last



for more than a few moments.


It's one of those magical places wise people

like to talk about.

One of the things they say about it, that is true,



is that, once you've been there,


you're there forever.

Listen, everyone has a chance.

Is it spring, is it morning?



Are there trees near you,

and does your own soul need comforting?

Quick, then— open the door and fly on your heavy feet; the song


may already be drifting away.



— Mary Oliver

This cup is for my DC family

And for Stephanie

Half Baked

Time is more valuable than money. Take it from me.

This week I am moving away from one of the most expensive cities on earth and what I will tell you (as I am packing) is that time is something I hope to gain in my next spot and money is something that I hope to use less. After a week at the beach, I found that I never looked at my watch. It helped that I never had a place I needed to be, but still, even with my own body clock screaming coffee every few hours, I didn’t look down at my wrist, not once. I rarely pulled out my phone and I practically forgot the password to my email. In just one week you say, with your eyebrows arching like the manhattan bridge—impossible. But it’s true. Time is a precious thing and for the week, finding a broken sand dollar was a nice change from handing everyone around me a crisp twenty dollar bill, and not once did I care what time it was.

As it turns out, finding time to do nothing is exactly what we need. To this day I am convinced that the west coast gets just as much done as the east coast. When did the human race start racing? Some may argue that rushing gets more done, but I disagree. New York is an island of rushers. I can tell because they are rarely looking up, they step out into the street long before the walk signal emerges, and they run for cabs like their lives depend on it. Oregon is a rainforest of calm, cool and collected. With coffee shops that let you sit idle for hours, with cashiers that want to discuss much more than the weather, but want to dig deep asking about family trees and yearly traditions (even in the express line) and cars that stop for every pedestrian they see (even the ones that are a mile away). We are an oasis of waiters and drifters.

Personally, I would rather linger and meander then push, rush and hastily get things done. I would rather sip than slug. I would rather hold the door behind me than let it slam shut on someone else. I could argue that rushing is a sign of being disorganized, or only giving a small part of yourself to every task–what my mom terms–half baked. I’m certain that if you never worry and never hurry, you will amount to much more than you would have had you been rushing. After all, time is time. What will you really gain from rushing? What will you gain from pushing? Is it really worth the money? Is it really worth saving a few extra lousy minutes to rush? You will lose those minutes and you will never get them back, not for all the money in the world.

For some, it can be hard to take time to slow down. At times, I have been known to schedule myself into my own schedule. A block of time will simply say RJS and this is a time where I know I can catch up on anything from notes to friends, sleep, a long run, reading or just simply wandering, finding a new coffee shop.

I have noticed a new trend in 2014–the urge to set aside time. Blogs, magazines, books, and articles all supply tips and tricks to set aside time for long dinners, slow walks, and ideas for slowing down. My philosophy–make it a lifestyle–not a time slot. Unplug, unwind, breathe. There are only 24 hours in a day. Slowing down doesn’t mean it won’t get done, it means prioritizing, and making the most of the busy time so that you have extra time to linger and wait around the edges, because at the end of the day, time is priceless.

This New Year, I challenge you to linger.

This cup is for Charly–because you decided to stay

And for Alix, who is happy to make hanging out and lingering a lifestyle 

(note: I had the best time with you girls). 

Roots

It’s a new year, but I haven’t felt it yet. Maybe it is on account that I went sans sparkle this New Year’s eve and rang in 2014 from the quiet corners of my home. Tucked in the folds of my family with a glass of bubbly before crawling under the covers long before the New Year reached my time zone.

The start of a new year is like a fresh pad of paper. Clean white pages, wrinkle free, and no rough edges. The possibilities are endless. Hopes. Dreams. Goals. Desires. Schemes. Grand plans. Where to begin? Sharpen your pencils folks.

I started the New Year thinking about lists. As I scribbled down resolutions, plans, notes, books to read, and recipes to try, I took some time to think about my roots. The other night I sat under (an almost full) moon in the car with my mom talking with my aunt. By blood, she is not my aunt, and when I ask my mom who her cousin is to me, she responds, “Who knows, some stuff is really complicated.” The truth is, I don’t care where our family ties cross and connect, we are related. As I huddled over the speaker with my mom, I watched our words form into small cold clouds. Our conversation led to family ties and stories that arched over long spans of time, covering generations, pulling in women I will never get the chance to know.

Hanging up the phone, I felt lucky. There are so many women in my life who have taken on the role of aunts, grandmothers, cousins and best friends. The stories of my genetic ties live on through these women, and regardless of bloodlines, I am forever tied to them. They have taught me everything from my grandmother’s favorite flower, to the importance of applying mascara before leaving the house.

This week I lunched with a woman whom I closely identify as an honorary grandmother. She is effortlessly classy, from her thank you cards to her jewels. She is gracious, thoughtful and warm. She is one of the few women that I know that was close friends with grandmother, and I can’t help but feel deeply connected as I pull her into a hug. She is my link to the past, my grandmother connecting us, and regardless of genes, she is and always will be a part of my family tree.  

This year, my 2014 list is short. I am working on it little by little. The truth is, I don’t make plans, I wait for them. Not a day goes by that I am not dreaming of something or someone, but I can’t get too wrapped up in plans. I like keeping my pages clean, crisp, and plan free, so that when something comes along, there is a place for it. If you end up planning everything there will be no room for the surprise houseguest, the recipe that you clipped out of an airline magazine and wanted to try, the friend that calls to invite you on a trip through South America, or the beach house that becomes available you’ve had your heart set on for years. Most of the time I am happy to be plan free so that I can make time for those extra links in my family tree, those spur of the moment phone calls in the dark, and a reason to keep listing, logging and wondering what tomorrow will bring.

                                                           

 Beginnings of 2014

1.     Reading

a.     Nelson Mandela-A Long Walk to Freedom

b.     Into the Wild by John Krakauer

c.      A Living History by Hilary Clinton

d.     Aimless Love by Billy Collins

2.     Listening

a.     Head and The Heart

3.     Running

a.     In the trees, on the trails, through the woods

b.     With friends

c.      Alone

4.     Sleeping

a.     In

b.     Early

c.      Often

5.     Cooking from:

a.     The Kinfolk Table

b.     Vegetable Literacy

c.      Plenty

 This cup is for (Aunt) Gina, and (Honorary Grandmothers) Bernice, Gaye, Barbara, Caroline, and Mary.

Eye Spy

Curled up in my window seat I watched the world from cruising altitude, the lights of the cities below twinkling bright white and gold, and I couldn’t help but think how quickly the landscape turns into a starry night sky from above. My window was foggy, my face pressed up against the glass as I descended towards the west coast. I was home. There is always a wave of relief when I touch down on home turf. Heels are replaced with Danskos; fitted blouses are traded for polar fleece, and messy hair and black down jackets are accepted at all high-end restaurants.

A close family friend once told me that our eye color is based off the places that we love most–places we are meant to be. For example, if your eyes are a deep forest green, you long for long walks on muddy trails, sticky pinesap between your fingers, and twigs in your hair. If your eyes are amber brown, you yearn for arid desert trails, chasing rattlesnakes high into the mountains, the warm sun hitting your face. For those crystal icy blue eyes, you prefer flying down the side of a mountain, thrive off speed you can only get on the slopes, and look forward to gathering around a campfire to warm frozen fingers and toes.

As for me, my blue-green eyes dream of deep blue oceans, sea green waves crashing against the shore, a cold tide filled with plenty of kelp. My happiest place is walking along the edge of the ocean, with my yellow lab. With each step the sea foam washes up under my feet, my jeans soggy around the edges of my ankles, the salty air leaving tangles in my hair. The dark grey clouds clear the people off the beach and I am the only one for miles, wandering through the fog.

What is it about the ocean that can cure the head and the heart? Is it the wide-open horizon, a clean slate that calms the mind? It is the air? The salty, sandy, cold wind that clears the head. Is it the rhythm of the waves? The tide washing in and out that assures you there is something out there bigger than you–bigger than all of us. Is it soaking wet (happy as can be) Labradors that greet you here and there? Is it the small fires that dot the beach at night, huddled with friends, family, and strangers alike? Is it the loss of time? The days that last forever, from long walks, to endless cups of coffee, the movies and board games that last long into the night.

The year is coming to a close. It’s a time for reflection, a time for gathering and a time to be thankful. It’s a time to be home, in the eye of your perfect place. Here at the beach I am able to simplify my whole world into a long walk.  After a day wandering along the edge of the ocean, I sit and look out over the waves, the blue green of the ocean looking back at me, I breathe deep and take it all in.

 This cup is for Suzzie: What a tradition this has become, so lucky to run into you year after year

And Emma, Sammy and Theo: because you know exactly why this is my favorite place on earth

Because of You.

This week I can literally feel the weight of my heart. The ache is so heavy that the strength to carry it through the day feels almost impossible. This week the world lost two amazing individuals, two people that not only changed the world, but changed my life. This post is for them. With all love, from me.

I will never forget the first time we met. From the very beginning, you made it seem like we had been life long friends. You made New York feel safe. You made New York feel like a home. You made New York friendly. You made New York calm and normal.  Not a day went by that I didn’t look forward to seeing you as I made my way through the revolving glass doors. You would meet me, extending your arms out, pulling me into a hug, kissing me on the cheek, whispering, “How was your day” into my ear.

Your hundred-watt smile lifted me up on my worst days, and was contagious to everyone around you. You knew every face, every name, every person. No matter how fast I was running, you never let me get by without shouting my name, without saying hello, without reaching out to grab my hand. On days when I felt invisible, you made me feel like the most beautiful. On days when everything felt hard, you made everything seem easy.

I will never forget hearing the news of the Boston bombing crackling over the radio, your compassion and calm drowning out the chaos to the events that were unfolding. You held my hand, squeezing it tight and told me everything was going to be okay, that we must live everyday to its fullest.

I will always remember those afternoons, gathered around, sharing snacks and food. You always had good food. Where did all that food come from? Remember that day that you told me all about quinoa? You were so proud of your healthy snacks.

I will miss hearing stories about your family, weekends you spent with your son, and updates on your favorite movies, music, and newest New York hang outs. But most of all, I will miss you. You were remarkable. You were the brightest light and while 66 West 12^th Street will never be the same, your light will shine on–always.

This cup is for Will.

And Mandela–

You are the other eternal flame, the guiding light to every individual in this world who is striving for peace, freedom and equality. Your strength, courage and determination not only changed history, but changed the world.  We will carry you in our hearts and our minds–always–and uphold all that you gave us. We will remember what is important, that, “What counts in life is not the mere fact that we have lived. It is what difference we have made to the lives of others that will determine the significance of the life we lead.”

It is our responsibility to carry on your legacy, to walk in your footsteps of the doers and the dreamers, to channel your determination and your strength, your wisdom and your words. Your legacy will live on in every living being as we continue to make this world a better place, for ourselves, and for generations to come. I am because you are. We are because he is. Ubuntu.

In honor of Will and to donate please visit : https://www.giveforward.com/fundraiser/yjl3/memorial-fund-in-honor-of-william-gary

Happy Anniversary

Today marks our one and a half year anniversary and I got to thinking about our relationship. You are the twinkling lights, the moonrise and the sunsets over the city skyline. You are the crazy storms, frigid cold, and snowflakes hitting my eye lashes. I blame you for those unbearable hot and humid days that make me feel like a limp, wet, mop. I get frustrated with you, your popularity, and the crowds that you attract. I crave quiet walks and calm, and I end up having to share you with everyone (and their little dog). You are so popular that the traffic is in constant gridlock, honking and yelling at the chance to get to you. No matter how fast I power-walk, I never get to you on time. You never hold my reservation. Sometimes, I wait for hours in lines for you and stand in heels on subway platforms wishing I was home. I always make it, but sometimes you force me to switch trains, to get derailed, to trip. You give me blisters that will last a lifetime. Some days I am lucky. I make the train right on time, I get a seat, and the car doesn't smell. The lucky days are the days when no one stops and asks me for change, whistles, hoots or catcalls. Why do you let them do that?

Sometimes you can be such a slob. You get gum on my shoe, the kind that ends up everywhere and no matter how much peanut butter I slather on, it never comes off. Most of the time you smell fine, never great, but fine. But sometimes you smell awful. Sometimes you reek of urine--and it never really goes away. You let garbage pile up all over the streets, and you never really clean up. You are the reason that air conditioners drip onto my clean clothes as I am walking to work. You are the one who lets black snow collect in the gutters. You are the one who let's the mosquitoes fly into the room and eat me alive. You don't flinch at the thought of a cockroach, and mice are your idea of the quintessential roommate. You are the one who doesn't recycle and probably dumps all that trash into the ocean for the next generation. But, even with all that, we're making it work.

My favorite days are Sunday mornings, wandering through the farmer's market. My favorite days are long walks in Central Park in the fall, when I can wrap myself in cashmere scarves and dance in the leaves. My fondest memories are staring up at the Christmas tree in Rockefeller Center; wandering down Fifth Ave looking at the holiday window displays, ice skating at Bryant Park, and the impromptu snowstorm on my birthday with all our friends. Do you remember the scavenger hunt that lasted the whole day last fall? Do remember our midnight walk through the park during Nemo? Do you remember my excitement picking out my bracelet from Tiffany, and my delight as I held the little blue box tightly in my hand? My most favorite days are taking long runs along the West Side Hwy, countless dinners with friends, and meandering through galleries on Saturday afternoons.

No matter what, you always put up with me. I get grouchy. Your loud music drives me crazy. You're never a cheap date and you refuse to go home early. You prefer a night on the town to a laid back cup of tea and cozy movie at home. You’re the first long term relationship that has drained my account weekly (for $10 salads and $6 lattes). You're the only date that has cost me countless glasses of $18 wine. You club. I hate clubbing. If you were in charge, you would prefer that I wore heels day and night, and I'm sure you would toss my Uggs. You hate my Patagonia, my Nike and my Northface. You probably wish that I wore more makeup and put more effort into brushing my hair. If it was up to you, you would request that I got my nails done everyday, pointing to a nail studio on every corner.

I know how much you love me, but I wish we had a bigger place. I wish you would let me get a dog. I wish you would help me find a job. I know you think that the corner office with the glass windows is readily available, but it's not. I know you're a Democrat, but then why do we still fight about healthcare, our zip code and monthly budgets? I know you love the subway, but why can't I have a car? You're idea of a local brew is a bottled beer. You're idea of a large latte is a 12oz (and that will never cut it). You would prefer a limo, and I would prefer a bike. You’re impartial to mountains, but I miss them with my whole heart. You think that there are plenty of trees in Central Park, but I know, deep down, it's not a forest.

I feel so lucky to have a window. I'm glad I can drink water right out of the tap. I'm glad we have survived the really hard days, so that I can better appreciate the good days. You and I have come a long way. We have grown, both inside and out. I am not sure where this journey will take us--but, New York, I am so glad we have made it this far. New York, at the end of the day, I don't have any regrets. I knew exactly what I was getting myself into from day one, even though you continue to surprise me every single day. You shake me to my core. You rattle me. You get under my skin. You pull at my heartstrings and you push me in more ways than I know how.

I hope you continue to remind me to be thankful. I hope you continue to remind me how lucky I am, no matter how crabby I get. I hope, that no matter what happens between us, we always remain friends. Do opposites attract? I'm not sure (nor am I convinced). This relationship runs deep, and there is no one out there quite like you.

Dear New York,

Here's to us.

Happy Anniversary.

Love,

Me.